are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
