I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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