am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
