Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
