Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
ok first of all what the fuck
Panties = found
Randomize
