I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
