but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
