Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
