So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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