I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
