I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
