I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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