nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Also, beer. Big fan.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
