Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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