his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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