So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
