Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
