My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
