So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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