If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
