I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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