So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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