somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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