There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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