I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
