So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
