I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
