You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
