Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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