The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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