My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
