Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
did i just pee glitter
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
