ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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