dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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