i will never coherently bang her
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My vagina just recognized that song.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
