just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
