Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
