it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
