this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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