Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
