My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
