This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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