He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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