i love accidental penises.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
