And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
