I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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