I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
