after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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