My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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