Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
