Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
